bossedil

People are accessories of our lives as a whole

Our hearts, a jewelry box

Our loved ones, the precious stones.

Who has not wish for someone to be with her forever?

There's really only a few people that we keep our entire lifetime. I have my Ma. One whose touch has given me warmth and love; whose words has given me discipline, wisdom and understanding; and whose presence has always given me courage, strength, and happiness. She is my precious.

I thank God for letting me have and keep you.

I remember how I wished for you to be always with me,

and I know you have been.

You should know you're still my number 1 fan.

Love, your big girl

bossedil

It's getting better all the time! Tonight i saw my sched for next week, i finally got some bartending shifts! Yay <3 i'mmm just so happy about it! Although they're daytime shifts, i'm really thankful, at least i get to ease in to the system plussss! I get off EARLY and i get to enjoy evenings like most people do... Love it! And it doesn't end there, I got saturday next week off too so will prolly be spending that weekend in Boston! Girlsss weekend getaway! Thank you God!

bossedil

Honestly, i wana find someone WORTHWHILE. I've had my options open, too many i would say and this scene is getting kinda old and tiring. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to rush being in a relationship all at once (i AM wary of commitments myself) but i just want someone i could actually spend time with........get to know well, and of course, have a chance with. So yea, i do hope for someone worthwhile already. NOT a hookup nor an instant boyfriend. Just someone worthwhile.

bossedil

So i keep telling myself it's my sober week, BUT it's only tuesday -there's the whole week ahead of me! It helps so much that I'm feeling better today though. Had lunch with myself at that new Fil restaurant (Cafe 81) in the East village and just walked/shopped around Union square. I had to, it's officially the last day of MY season =) So long sweet summer!! It's always been a good time with you around. Tomorrow, we shall say hello to Fall. See, I don't get sad anymore, i know now it gets beautiful =)

bossedil

FOR SOME REASON TONIGHT, I JUST FEEL LONELY AND I NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD ME. THEN I THOUGHT THAT I'VE BEEN DOING FINE, KEEPING MYSELF BUSY WITH WORK AND PEOPLE I MEET. BUT COME THESE KIND OF DAYS I CHOOSE TO SKIP EM DRINKS AND GET TO BED EARLY, MY EMPTY SELF OVERWHELMS ME. I MUST BE MISSING SOMETHING.

bossedil

My lola isn't the same anymore and I can't stop crying!! I mean, of course she still is the same person -same heart and same intentions. But i just can't get over the fact how my dad was trying to talk to her in an overseas phonecall to the Philippines and prolly for a good 5 minutes there, she was just lost in the conversation.

Pops: Hi 'Nay! Birthday ni Pao, may dinner daw kina Roger

Lola: Talaga? Anong araw ba ngayon? Pupunta kayo?

Pops: Oo, June 10. Hindi kami makakapunta

Lola: Bakit hindi kayo pupunta?

Pops: Ahhh..nasa New york kami Nay eh

Lola:Ha? Kelan ka pa nandyan?

And then my tears started rolling....it's been 2 years since we left. How can she miss that. Good thing my dad didn't think i was paying attention to their conversation. He didn't notice i started to cry.

It hurts to be far away from home. And the fact that I can't even go home if i suddenly have to. And one of my fears, that I have always tried to look past, is not being able to be there for both my grandmas that i love so very much now that they're aging. i'm very close to both of them and they were practically there for me the whole time i was growing up. I'm scared that by the time i'm able to see them again, things may not be the same anymore. I don't know if they could still pay attention and listen to all my stories. And if they'll still have words of wisdom to say to me, or even like their own stories as well. I want to be able to tell them what has been going on with me here. I even always looked forward to them being around MY own kids. Time does fly. I miss them and i pray for them all the time. (now my eyes are starting to hurt me) i just trust God that He has his hands over my loved ones

what hurts me too is that i don't know how my dad felt about it. i mean, that's his mom! And she's been around him longer than she was around me. I know Pops misses her so much more than I do. And i was scared to call again after my dad just spoke to her on the phone. I was worried that she's forgotten about me because i haven't talked to her in the longest time.

Me: Lola! Kamusta kayo dyan? Si Maan po.

Lola: Oo, Maan! Kamusta na? I miss you.

Well you know what, she didn't. Like what was i thinking? No matter how forgetful she has become, she remembers me. she remembers my dad. And she remembers us. We ARE a part of EACH other and i think that's the most important thing. You can't forget the people you love, they are a part of you and they stay in your heart. I LOVE YOU, LOLA!

Now, i miss my other grandma too. I hope i'm able to call her tomorrow.

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I can't believe it'll only be a few days from now and I'll be here in the city for good. Oh yea im nervous but at least im back to life    God bless me.